Late Night Observations
Disclaimer: Sam and Al do not belong to me. Sad but true.
No money made, no infringement to copyright intended.
Summary: This is my answer to the challenge I set recently
on Alia's Updates. 'Al likes to watch.'
Warnings: This is slash. Interactions of the same sex
variety. Best to consider it R.
Author's notes: This story is written from Sam's point of
view and it turned out a little more contemplative than I had
intended when I first started writing it. It's kinda 'a day/night in
the life of' sort of fic.
Thanks: To PJ for betaing.
Comments: Can be sent to my email address
Worlds apart. Bonds unbroken. Love divided. But not forsaken.
Alia © 2003
Taking up residency in the homes of complete strangers, no matter
how temporary my stay is going to be always requires some getting
used to. Borrowing personal items for instance, isn't a preferred
habit of mine but one that I have discovered can't be avoided
sometimes if I want to give the right impression.
I turn on the faucet and rinse the razor I have borrowed as soon
as I'm finished and then return it to the tumbler from whence it
came, pausing momentarily to steady both as they teeter precariously
close to the edge of the sink. It occurs to me that my theory to
leave everything as is simply is not practical some leaps, but as I
have plans for the rest of the night, I decide that tempting fate can
be left for another time. - Satisfied that all is secure for the
moment I cup my hands and bend low over the vanity to wash any
remaining lather from my freshly shaved cheeks.
The cool water stings a bit but it feels good, so good in fact
that I allow the excess to trickle through my fingers and to create a
wet path down my neck and bare chest as I stand up. It is all for
effect mind you. I have an audience and even though Al is still to
announce his arrival, I work to impress.
Stretching in a way that is not really necessary given the
distance I have to reach for the towel hanging along side of the
vanity unit, I make certain that every exposed muscle in my back and
shoulders flex as I move. I use the clean terry cloth to pat myself
dry next, regarding my reflection with curious interest as I pay
special attention to each waking nub on my chest and wondering as I
do about the man standing behind me. What is he thinking? And does he
like what he sees?
The face in the mirror isn't mine. It hasn't been for sometime
now. Not that it matters I guess, because in spite of what others
might see, Al knows me anywhere. I offer him a knowing smile as I
replace the towel, hoping he is enjoying the show so far. Unlike
myself though, he casts no reflection at all and I have to wait until
I turn around to see his expression.
As I had hoped Al is grinning appreciatively when I do turn to
face him, his cheeks slightly flushed, his dark eyes shinning
brightly as he finally nods his greeting. "You're up late." He
informs me as I lean back against the vanity.
It's difficult to keep the smile off my face but I try to all the
same. "I was waiting for you to come back." I explain, folding my
arms across my chest and doing my best not to show just how pleased I
am to see him. I don't have much hope though, considering that the
second towel I have wrapped around my hips isn't very large and
because it's damp, it clings in all the right places. Something, that
judging from the way Al is looking me up and down, has not escaped
"You're sounding pretty sure of yourself, Sam." He announces as
his eyes travel upward once more to meet with my own, the dark brows
above his arching suggestively as he adds. "What if I hadn't shown
That will be the day I think, and then stop myself, not willing to
let the very real possibility that there might come a day when Al
will not come, spoil the time we have together now. Instead I shrug
my shoulders, determined to remain unfazed by his teasing. If he
wants to play then I'm in just the mood to show him I can give as
good as I get and with that I drop my arms back down to my sides and
reach for the opening on the towel, gently caressing the edge as I
"Well as you know, Al, I can be pretty resourceful when I need to
be. I am sure I would of come up with some way to entertain
myself if you hadn't."
The grin on Al's face broadens at the innuendo I add to my voice,
the various ways I might find to pass my time no doubt formulating in
his over active imagination. "Yeah." He smirks. "I'm sure you could
Despite the bravado I try to exude with Al I still feel the
familiar heat of embarrassment begin at the base of my throat and
then slowly rise to my cheeks as his gaze sweeps lower again.
I glance away, recalling a night not so long ago when Al had
returned to me much as he has tonight. On that occasion his visit had
definitely not been anticipated, and he had quite literally caught me
with my pants down, indulging in the only release I could think of
given the distance between us. It had been then, in the darkened
bedroom of my hosts' small apartment that we had first explored what
has now become the latest way we have found to bridge the gap space
and time has placed in our way.
Okay, so the fact that Al likes to watch me was not exactly a
revelation, but I guess the full extent of his interest has become
something akin to an awakening for me.
Up until that night, I had always considered Al a man who was more
interested in being an active participate in life's many pleasures,
rather than someone who was happy to simply be a spectator in them.
Of course with me leaping around in time things between us have had
to change quite a bit. So I guess it is understandable then, that my
opinions of him, along with the ways we continue what we had started
long before I stepped into the accelerator chamber that had
ultimately separated us from one another, have changed also.
I have never been much of an exhibitionist though and the
fluorescent globe over heard makes me feel like I'm standing under a
spot light and does not help my feelings of self-consciousness at all
as Al's scrutiny continues. I do my best to keep up my confident
front however, aware that he is studying every gesture I make, both
of us knowing just where this is leading.
It does not happen often. God, not nearly often enough I
think as the thought of what I had planned for when Al came back
tonight takes form once more in my minds eye and the imagines alone
force me to adjust my stance. I need to relocate us to more
comfortable surroundings, and soon.
I clear my throat gently to draw Al's attention and then make the
necessary adjustments to the front of the towel as his gaze drifts
back up to mine. His grin has faded completely over the last couple
of minutes I realize, and his eyes are now filled with a depth of
longing that makes my heart still momentarily and then ache in
sympathy. It's intense, having him looking at me the way he is now.
Seeing him how he used to be. Utter rogue one minute and then as the
only man who could take my breath away the next. Far more intense
than I had wanted for tonight. Keep it light I tell myself. This is
meant to help us remember that we can still find a way to share one
another, not remind us of what we can not have.
It is not easy but for both our sakes I force myself to swallow
over the emotion that my last thought inspires, pushing aside the
sorrow that threatens to spoil the mood I had been hoping for
tonight, and then ease myself away from the vanity unit.
Al seems a little surprised when I approach him, as if he had been
like myself, lost in his own thoughts. It is okay though, I know how
to deal with this and very carefully I raise a hand towards him,
years of practice allowing me to know just where to stop so the
illusion is not ruined as I cover the area where his cheek would be.
"Where are you?" I whisper, not quite sure at this point where
Al's daydreaming has taken him.
"With you." He answers softly, his dark eyes never leaving mine as
he tilts his head ever so slightly toward the image of hand. "Always
with you, Sam"
There had been a time I reminisce, when I might have thought that
I had misheard Al, but I know very different now. In fact, no matter
what others might think of it, I know that in his mind we were always
together, if only in spirit. A technique he told me once he has
fine-tuned over time and had first been developed when he was a
prisoner of war.
"Do you want to tell me about it?" I query, conceding that
whatever was on his mind, talking played more than a small part in
occasions such as tonight.
There is only a brief moment of indecision before Al shakes his
head and I withdraw my hand again. "Nah." He tells me, and then
just as quickly seems to shake off any remaining melancholy as he
offers me one his more playful grins, adding. "I think I'd rather
hear about what you were planning."
I nod, even though I am not completely convinced that I should not
try to encourage Al to share whatever had caused his brief lapse into
despondency. His grin, like the spark of mischievous interest now
brightening his expression is somewhat difficult to ignore however
and it's only a second or two before I find myself returning it,
ready and willing if that's what he wants, to let go of everything
else and concentrate only on us. "Okay." I finally agree. "But I
think I've got an even better idea."
"Yeah, Sam? He prompts with more than his usual amount of boyish
enthusiasm. "And what's that?"
As if you didn't already know I think to myself, but I don't say
so. I'm too busy rolling my eyes. Besides I decide, it doesn't pay to
appear too obvious with Al. Instead I calm myself and simply tell him
what I know he is waiting to hear. "How about I just show you?"
I do not wait for Al to answer me or to see if he is going to
follow me as I then slip past him on my way out of the bathroom,
turning the light off as I go. He wouldn't be the man I think he is
to decline my offer, and frankly, having known him intimately for
many years now, I know that in fact Al will follow me, and that even
without good reason to do so, he would accompany me to the very ends
of the universe and back again.
My current host lives alone, thank goodness. So there are no
family members or room mates to contend with as I make the short
journey from the bathroom to the bedroom and as expected, Al is
already there waiting for me when I reach the threshold.
Standing in the doorway I watch in silence as he takes note of few
preparations I had made in anticipation of his return tonight.
Several lit candles casting a warm glow over the entire room along
with his pleased countenance when he finally turns to greet me.
"It looks like you had something specific in mind." He says,
waving his hand absently in the direction of the neatly turned back
bed and the candle placed carefully beside it as I step forward.
"Very specific." I breathe taking up my place in front of him and
mentally steeling myself for what comes next.
Al knows I feel a lot less self-conscious with the room in semi
darkness, more able to relax and to let go of my inhibitions. Years
of keeping what I am about to do completely private, is not discarded
without some effort, and thankfully he is very patient with me.
If we are lucky, Al and I will have the rest of the night to
ourselves. The outside world can do without us until morning and as
we both know there is no reason to rush the proceedings for the next
few moments we simply stand regarding one another, his dear face
further illuminated by the hand-link he is still holding in his hand.
It blinks and squeals intermittently, demanding attention until Al
breaks eye contact with me, muttering his usual string of obscenities
as he slaps the small device and then stores it inside his jacket
pocket for safe keeping. He offers me an apologetic grin as the
hand-link finally falls silent but says little else.
It is up to me now and I know that he is waiting for me to say
something, but words I have come to realize, could never convey the
true depths of my feeling for him. God only knows that I have tried
in the past to tell Al how much he means to me. How his faith in me,
gives me the strength to go on, day after day when to be truthful we
both know there maybe no end to my traveling in time. That this might
be all we ever have together.
I sigh; it was a sobering thought. Not one I have not considered
before mind you. But if this really was all Al and I could hope for
then I knew it would have to be enough and I needed to play my part
to the fullest.
"I love you." I whisper, still feeling as I did often, that my
declaration, no matter how heartfelt, was not nearly sufficient to
"I know you do, kid." Al returns, as eager as always to reassure
me. "Don't ever doubt that, Sam."
It is difficult to argue with Al when it comes to matters of the
heart, especially ours. I remember a time however, when he had not
been so sure of himself, or me.
"You didn't believe me the first time I told you." I tell him,
raising a hand to my face to gently touch the area where I recall he
had cupped my cheek with so much more than friendship on his mind for
the first time.
Such a long time ago now I muse, but despite everything that has
happened since the night I finally found the courage to tell Al how I
really felt about him, it is a good memory. One we both share and
which I can see brings a nostalgic twinkle to his expressive eyes and
a slightly sheepish smile to his gentle mouth.
"Well no, Sam, but that's because I thought you were drunk." He
informs me in a voice that is lit with affection though it is obvious
his focus is clearly on the path of my hand is taking.
"I was." I answer, smiling to myself and relaxing a little as I
then use the tips of my fingers to trace the surface of my lips. "I
don't think I would have ever gotten up the nerve to tell you if I
wasn't." I add, remembering each kiss that had been bestowed there
that same night as my hand slips to my throat. I splay my fingers as
I continue downward, arching my neck slightly and pausing briefly at
the base to feel the steady beat of my pulse before I venture lower
still to my chest.
With Al as my inspiration and some very concerted efforts made
towards self-stimulation it is not very long before I feel the
familiar waking of my body for the second time tonight. The faint
prickling of my skin and the pooling of heat in my groin, urging me
"God." Al exclaims as my ministrations grow slowly bolder and I
run my hand over one very well developed pectoral muscle while I
raise the other to smooth across my abdomen to toy with the line of
hair that begin just below my navel. His dark head shaking adamantly
as his eyes continue to track my movements. "I should never have
doubted you, Sam. I should have known that you'd never say something
you didn't mean."
"I never will." I promise, drawing Al's gaze once more. Then with
only the flickering of candlelight to see by and my hands gradually
beginning to shake with a mind all of their own, I fumble to the
front of the towel wrapped firmly around my hips. A part of me wants
to prolong this as long as possible and yet another wants only to
show Al that despite the distance between us I am still true to my
Broadening my stance to accommodate the involuntary trembling of
my legs I carefully stroke along the rising flesh beneath the towel,
moaning softly from the relief my hand offers. I keep my eyes firmly
fixed on the man in front of me as I work myself slowly, but all too
soon it is too much.
"Talk to me." I say, relinquishing the hold that I have on the
front of the towel, knowing that if I was going to provide Al with
all I could, then I needed to pace myself. "Tell me what you
remember, Al?" I add, reaching now for the place where the folds of
terry cloth meet. "Tell me what it feels like to love me?"
Al has always a man of few words. Actions he would often remind me
spoke louder than anything he could possibly say, so what was the
point of wasting them. Of course that was before Al's actions could
speak louder than words and we were both able to enjoy them.
"Like nothing else on earth, Sam." He begins slowly, breathless
and clearly searching for the right words to make up for the loss of
physical contact. "Loving you and touching you with my heart is like
finding the most precious gift there is, and I never want to stop."
Al's last statement comes out sounding somewhat choked and I work, as
he has always with me, to reassure him.
"You don't have to." I whisper, wanting more than anything I can
think of right now to able to feel Al's hands slowly unwrapping the
towel from around my waist. I remember, in amongst a number of other
sensations that do not make a lot of sense, what it felt like when he
touched me. The warmth of his hands and the smoothness of his body
pressed against my own. It is not going to happen though, because no
matter how much I might want it, necessity requires that I take care
of this myself and without further thought on the matter or comment I
release the thin restriction, allowing it to fall to my bare feet.
I close my eyes as I stand in front of Al; arms hung loosely at my
sides, shoulders back and my head held high so that nothing is
concealed from his gaze. My heart beating so rapidly in my chest now,
that I almost feel faint from the rush of blood coursing through my
veins, only opening my eyes again when I know that he has mapped
every inch of my body.
Al's expression is one of complete adoration; loving and
appreciative in a way that I am very aware only comes along once in a
lifetime. I do not speak. What would I say to him? That I regret
leaving you? That I wish I had never built the accelerator chamber?
Or decided to use it? It has all been said before and I turn away,
both of us remaining silent as I bend to retrieve the towel from the
floor and take the few steps to the bed.
Placing the towel within reach, I stretch out on top of freshly
changed sheets, enjoying the way they feel against my back and bare
legs. Unlike earlier though, Al does not follow me straight away.
Instead, he stays in his original position watching me closely while
I make myself comfortable. I close my eyes when I have, knowing that
he will close, at least the visible distance between us when he is
I take a deep breath and then let it out slowly; thinking as I
draw my knees up and reach for the turgid heat between my legs to
begin the slow steady pumping of my shaft about what Al had said to
me. How he always wanted to be able to love me with his heart. It is
not surprising I guess then that of all the things I still had some
difficulty remembering about us I have always felt his love
transcending time and space to reach out and touch me when he
I open my eyes on that thought, my hand still working me towards
my inevitable completion to find Al standing over me. Watching me.
"I love you." He whispers. "I will always love, Sam."
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