Now

By Alia - 2009

Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me. Sadly Jon and Malcolm are the property of Paramount. I am just playing with them, and request you keep in mind that no disrespect or infringement to copyright is intended.

Summary: Jon and Malcolm consummate their relationship.

Rated: NC17.

Authors Notes: This ficlet is the sequel to Soon. It is unbetaed and contains Australian spelling. All mistakes are mine. Please feel free to point them out to me. Also, first times are not always what we imagine. Often we envisage champagne and slow dancing and forget that sometimes it's just about getting off with the person the rocks your boat. It's doesn't mean they don’t love you, it just means that it's easier to be romantic when the pressure is off. Keep in mind that this fic is titled Now for a reason.

Comments: Are welcome at aliajones1999@yahoo.com

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I don't know why I am so nervous. It isn't as if I have never been invited to the Captain's cabin. In the past I have often been required to take my systems reports there and make myself available to discuss any changes or upgrades.

Of course, that was before everything changed between us -- before we were captured and condemned to death and before he told me that he was in love with me and I had admitted the same to him.

Almost a month has passed since then, and despite various attempts to talk about what, if anything has changed since our rescue and return to Enterprise nothing has been settled.

What I do know is that Jonathan doesn't regret sharing his heart with me even though the circumstances surrounding his confession were somewhat unusual; he has indicated that he stands by what he has said and that we would be together soon.

While not ideal, spending a good portion of the last two weeks confined to the catwalk along with the rest of crew has given me a chance to think about what I want should we embark on a relationship that goes beyond what we have now and to observe him through different eyes. Having Jonathan so close and yet so out of reach has made me realise that although I was originally content to meet my death without ever making love to him that was no longer the case.

With the storm now passed and life onboard Enterprise returning to what passes as normal on board of a star ship there is nothing to stand in our way. I still have some reservations about being worthy of him, old fears of not being good enough as I make my way to my cabin once my shift ends, but I push them aside as I go through the motions of preparing myself for the night ahead of me.

It's been quite some time since I have been with anyone and I find myself shaking ever so slightly as my anticipation grows steadily throughout the process of showering and changing into something less restricting than my uniform. Managing somehow to calm myself I briefly consider sending a message to him to announce my estimated time of arrival for tonight, but discard the idea as something that may later reveal the change in our relationship. Starfleet regulations prohibit Captain’s from forming intimate relationships with their subordinates and I know that no matter what occurs between us, tonight and in the future, it must remain a closely guarded secret for Jonathan’s sake.

It is a sobering thought and I pause momentarily to stare at my reflection in the monitor as I close the screen. I know I would never hurt Jonathan, but I also know that there isn't anything that will stop me from acting on what had grown between us, save Jonathan himself. I want him and if he is willing to risk his career and reputation to be with me, then there is nothing I wouldn’t allow.

The rational part of my mind tells me that this is why I am so nervous. Because I can't ever recall feeling this way about anyone before and after tonight I don’t think I am ever going to be the same again. I know he’s only a man and I have had others, not many, but enough to know that there can be an unspoken struggle for dominance. I know it's not right, and that whatever intimate relationship I forge with Jonathan it should be one of equal standing. It already feels unbalanced though and for reasons I cannot explain I find myself completely out of my depths.

I know I should be terrified and there is perhaps a small part of me that is, it's not enough though, not near enough to stop me taking one last look around my cabin and then going to the man who has changed me so much already.

Standing in Jonathan's cabin a short while later is strangely surreal. Almost like living out a fantasy that I never thought I would see fulfilled.

He seems pleased by my appearance, smiling at me and commenting on how long he has waited for this in a way that makes me feel shy at a time in my life when I thought I was past such feelings.

I feel myself begin to shake again as the door slides shut behind me, sealing out the rest of the world as he steps into my personal space, a hand appearing from nowhere to caress and learn the contours of my face as he presses his lips to mine for the first time, stealing my breath and scattering my thoughts. For a first kiss it is not at all tentative or chaste. Possessive and demanding would be a more accurate description, a sign of things to come my mind whispers, but I have no thought of calling a halt to it; this is what I expected after all – to find myself consumed by his touch, body and soul.

The kiss ends far too soon and almost without realising it I find myself being led to Jonathan's bed, his fingers lingering at my throat and his eyes dancing with promise as he guides to sit down on the edge.

There are so many things we needed to talk about, so many things I still wanted to say to him but none of them seem important or relevant now. I have given my consent after all by coming here.

Some formalities still seemed necessary though. “Is this alright?” he asks standing up, hands already moving to the zipper on his uniform.

I nod once and he smiles in a way I have never seen before, eyes hooded as he strips to the waist, his undershirt, removed in the process, held expectantly at his side as I look at him. There is no denying the fact that Jonathan is well built for a man of his years, strong and very masculine, clearly proud and unreserved as he stands before me, the prominent bulge in the front of his overalls leaving no doubt to where this is headed.

Feeling less than confident I follow suit and carefully release the fastenings on my shirt, letting it hang open, my breath catching and my dick hardening further as he lets his undershirt drop to the floor beside him and then moves to kneels in front of me, one strong hand reaching between my legs, gently forcing them apart to knead me through my slacks. It’s enough to make me want to cry out or to beg for more. I don’t want to appear too needy or too unexperienced for this kind of situation, because I am not, but I cannot resist the inclination to spread my legs a little more, giving him better access to what he clearly wants as he runs a finger along the length of my fly.

I gasp at the not so subtle movement, the right amount of pressure at just the right points making my dick ache for more -- for his hand, or mouth to take over, I can’t decide which.

“I'm not sure what you like Malcolm? You'll have to tell me,” he says un-expectantly. I wouldn’t have thought Jonathan capable of such a sultry tone; though it’s not so much the words that leave me impossibly tongue-tied, but the voice that is completely unrecognisable. The air in his cabin seems oddly close, as if there isn’t enough to go around. His hand stills as he waits for me to answer and I feel lost.

I can barely think beyond the undeniable urge to drive my hips forward, but somehow I manage a somewhat plaintive, “anything,” and then, “please” as he guides me down on to my back. I kick my shoes off and try to relax as his hands move to the zipper on my slacks.

Released from my cloth prison I breathe a sigh of relief as the cool air hits my over heated flesh and then prop myself up on arms that suddenly don't seem strong enough to support my weight to watch him as he removes my slacks along with my underwear and dumps them on the floor next to his shirt.

I feel very exposed, lying completing naked before him, vulnerable and yet wanton at the same time. Wanting and needing him so much but not knowing how exactly I should behave. I don't get the impression Jonathan expects me to be the blushing virgin and yet it is very clear this is as important to him as it is to me.

Jonathan steps back and I lower myself down again to rest against the solidness of bed and to catch my breath, watching as he removes his boots and then the rest of his uniform. I watch with appreciation as he reveals himself to me. Once again seeing the self assured man who knows he is very capable of the act we are about to commit.

He pauses briefly, drawing his shoulders back in a pose that reminds me of the responsibilities he deals with every day and the risk this carries when the remainder of his clothes lay scattered with my own at his feet, welcoming my appraisal and giving the opportunity to change my mind I guess. It is last thing on my mind though. His body is covered in a light sear of perspiration, making it shine from head to foot under the too bright lights of his cabin. My mouth waters and my dick throb at the sight of him and for the first time tonight I am not afraid.

Moving a little further up the bed I spread my legs, stroking my dick once to release some of the discomfort and then reach for him. He comes willingly, his strong hands moving to frame my face as our bodies align for the greatest satisfaction and then stilling from the initial shock of pleasure. I touch him, roaming over his chest and back as he captures my mouth, swallowing my pleas for him to love me.

It is hot and lacking any real finesse, a tangle of limbs and lips learning new territory, but it is so damn good I have tears in my eyes by the time Jonathan stills above me and cries out his release. The warmth of it fills the scant space between us, followed quickly with one his hands, pulling at me and demanding that I follow after him as he chokes out the same words he had used weeks ago.

Shaking from the experience of finally being able to make love and what I realise is the delayed shock of almost being executed a tear escapes my closed eyes. I feel Jonathan's weight shift and a kiss pressed to my damp cheek.

“It's okay Malcolm, we're both safe now,” he whispers.

Despite what we have just done I'm still a little embarrassed by the emotions welling inside of me, the love I feel for him along with the fear of almost dying without ever really knowing him and it is another moment or two before I open my eyes again.

Jonathan is staring down at me, a look of complete understanding I didn't expect shining back at me.

End

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