Where your heart will take us.
Disclaimer: Paramount owns them.
Summary: Malcolm wakes to find himself in Jon’s bed.
Warning: Angst. Rated R
Author’s Notes: This
story takes place immediately after With all my heart. Also, this is the last
planned story for my ‘Give and Take’ series.
Thanks: To Mareel for picking up my typos and for always listening. Any mistakes you find
Comments: Are welcome and can be sent to email@example.com
Although the arm
resting across my abdomen makes it difficult to think about anything other than
my growing need to relieve myself, even when I consider all the time I have
spent in Jonathan Archer’s bed, I know I never expected to wake up in it.
Spending the entire night together was not a part of our arrangement. Not that
I hadn’t indulged the odd fantasy about such an occurrence early in our
liaison, or had we ever discussed the matter, it was simply understood that
when we had finished whatever means of relief that had been chosen, I would
Sexual release in all
its manifestations was one thing, but sleeping together afterwards suggested an
intimacy that Jon had made very clear
he wasn’t interested in.
Okay, so perhaps everything
between us wasn’t quite as cut and dry as it had been in the beginning. Despite
the mission and the ongoing threat to earth Jon has mellowed a great deal
towards me, and for a man who had professed no previous interest or experience in
having a same sex partner he has developed a keen understanding of what gave us
both the greatest satisfaction.
I close my eyes and my
mind, traitorous to the last, provides me with images of Jon as I had seen him
only a few hours prior, poised and ready for me as I had approached his bed --
his arms reaching out to me, his eyes dark with need. Lips and hands expertly mapping
my face, shoulders and chest when I positioned myself above him, only sliding
downward to help guide my movements as I slowly impaled myself on his slick cock,
his wanton words of encouragement, so unlike the commands he makes when we are on
the bridge egging me on and ringing in my ears as I took him in as deeply as I could
-- welcoming him home after what had felt like weeks of forced abstinence.
My body, as faithless
and demanding as my wishful imagination stirs with the memory, my physical discomfort
almost too painful to ignore now. I open my eyes again, inhaling the scent of
the man who holds me prisoner, body and soul. We have come too far for me to
allow myself to think that this was anything other than a time limited
diversion to him. No matter the changes to our relationship, remaining would be
a mistake, one I am not convinced Jon would forgive if he woke to find me still
in a breath and hold it so that I can lift the arm holding me possessively and
slip from his embrace.
my clothes I retreat to the bathroom to answer the call of nature that had
woken me in the first place, and to dress. My plan is to return to my own cabin
to shower, and if possible, to get another couple of hours sleep before I need
to start my shift; there by maintaining the illusion for both our sakes that
everything between us was the same.
theory it is a good plan, and it may very well have worked if not for one small
once again in the civilian clothing I had worn here I exit Jon’s small bathroom
to a sight that both stops me in my tracks and sends my mind reeling. The sleeping form that I had left moments
earlier is now sitting up right and regarding me quizzically across the
minimally lit room.
you leaving?” he asks.
would have thought that was obvious given the fact that I shouldn’t still be
here, but I don’t say so. I am still trying to work out how I can salvage what
little remains of my dignity. Nothing comes to mind though and for a moment or
two I consider pretending as if I haven’t heard him. Perhaps if I don’t answer
he will think that he is dreaming and go back to sleep. It is a risk worth
taking, I decide, and I take another step towards the door.
to sink through the deck plating and disappear, but as neither is a realistic option
I pause once again and raise my eyes to the man calling my name.
need to get some sleep,” I tell him; hoping he will leave it at that.
minimal lighting in the cabin makes Jon’s expression unreadable and with no
other alternative I simply wait to see what else, if anything, he has to say to
me. There is nothing immediately forthcoming and I release the breath I had been
holding since I left the bathroom, relived that although it is still too difficult
to tell for sure, Jon doesn’t seem overly annoyed finding me here. I offer him
a shy smile through the darkness and move towards the bed.
intention is to kiss him before I go. As I am never quite sure when we will be
able to meet again like this, and none of us know what tomorrow will bring, it
is best I have discovered to always leave Jon as if it maybe the last time. I
don’t want to dwell on the fact that this might actually be the case on this
particular occasion, but I am not prepared to chance it.
seems to have other ideas though and carefully avoids me as I lean down,
instead taking a hold of my lower arm, caressing the bear skins beneath his
finger tips with an intensity and purpose I cannot fathom under the
can sleep here,” he says.
honest, I am not sure I have heard him correctly. His touch is very distracting
and I am far too preoccupied by it to answer or to even resist when he pulls me
back down on to the bed beside him. For untold moments I lay very still, trapped
by his gaze and the warmth generated by the hand gently stroking the length of my
in the back of my mind it occurs to me that I must be the one dreaming and I close
my eyes momentarily trying to dispel the images around me. Opening them again
makes no difference of course; Jon is still watching me closely – almost
affectionately I would think if I didn’t know any better.
whole situation is a little strange, not at all what I am used to, but before I
can ask him if he is okay he leans forward and kisses me. Jon’s lips are soft
and warm from sleep and despite my growing confusion I respond to him
accordingly, lifting my arms to circle is waist and simply giving myself over to whatever he needs from me.
chemistry has never been a problem for us and as I move my hands down to his
bum and Jon deepens the kiss I note his growing arousal gently nudging my thigh,
unlike any other occasion though, I find him pulling back. Slightly breathless as
he smiles down at me, his hands moving to dislodge my shirt from my slacks and
to burrow beneath the light fabric to stroke over my abdomen. I am almost fully
aroused myself but his feather light touch tickle and I reach down to still his
hands. Jon’s head comes up, no doubt misunderstanding my intention and our eyes
meet once again in the dark.
shake my head no “It tickles.” I explain.
of the Enterprise Jon smiles so infrequently that it is difficult to believe he
could ever be happy, right now though that is exactly how he appears. I have no
idea what has come over him but it doesn’t matter, I decide. If this is what he
wants then I am not going to spoil the moment by asking questions. Life was far
too short – too uncertain.
release Jon’s hand and he renews his efforts with added enthusiasm. In spite of
the fact that I haven’t showered since the last time we made love I let him undress
me again and then take me in his mouth.
as Jon moves up and down my length I run my fingers through his hair and slide
my legs over his shoulders to give him better access, marveling at the very
welcome adjustment to our arrangement and the level of skill he uses to bring me
to the brink so quickly.
It feels incredible, hot and moist inside his mouth. I lean my head back, attempting to stave off the inevitable but it is no use. I also try to call out and warn him as I feel my climax approach, but this too proves to be a pointless exercise because Jon does not pull away as I expect him to. Instead he simply hums appreciatively around me, egging me on, and then swallows all of what I have to offer.
too caught up in the throws of my orgasm to contemplate the uniqueness of this
moment. Waiting until I am finished Jon releases me with the utmost care and
sits back a little on the bed, giving me time to recover I suspect, before he slips
both my legs from his shoulders and then moves up my body to kiss me. It is a
very long time since I tasted myself on a lovers tongue or felt so cherished. Using
one hand to guide me Jon cups the back of my head and other to gently caress my
jaw as his lips move against my own. I want to cry from the intensity of it, but
I am not sure why.
would be more than happy for the kiss to never end but eventually Jon pulls
back. He is not smiling now and for a very brief moment it occurs to me that he
is as moved as I am by what is taking place between us.
me?” I whisper, reaching up to stroke his cheek and to pass a thumb across his
still moist lips.
rational and objective part of my brain says that I should be careful, but my
heart won’t hear of it. God knows I have waited and hoped for too long to
discard his words simply because I never really thought I would hear him say them.
my hand back down to the bed, too stunned to know, what if anything, I should say
or do. Thankfully Jon seems to understand my reaction.
know I said I only wanted the release, no ties or commitment, but things have
changed. I’ve changed, Malcolm.”
Although I am very heartened that Jon is finally acknowledging the many changes that have taken place since I first started coming to him, and it is obvious that he has more to say, I don’t try to rush him. I do, however, want to reassure him that my feelings have not altered in the least, or are they likely to anytime soon. “That’s understandable;” I tell him, “we can’t stay the same men forever, not when there is so much changing around us. I have always loved you Jon and I’ll be whatever you need me to be, companion or lover.”
look relief on Jon’s face makes all the months of uncertainty suddenly
worthwhile. I reach up to stroke his cheek again, only to find my hand caught this time,
and a kiss pressed to its palm.
want to make love to you, Malcolm. Will you let me do that?”
evidence of Jon’s desire is currently nestled between my thighs and although I think
we should probably talk about this some more I nod my acceptance without a
second thought. He releases my hand after that and I reach behind me for the
tube of lubricant that I know is still hidden beneath the pillows and hand it
close my eyes while he prepares us both, but open them again as he gently urges me to roll on to my side and draw my knees to my chest. The next few moments are spent ensuring my comfort as Jon molds his body to my own and then, lacing our fingers together, slowly pushes inside of me. I have lost count of the amount times he has taken me this way, but never have I felt so willing to just let go and follow wherever his heart will take us.
I don’t know what
tomorrow will bring, but then again, none of us do.
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